Sometimes, we are clear that a coping skill is needed when we are feeling stress; yet we don’t know what to do. When overwhelmed with stress, the brain/body may go into ‘survival mode’ and so cognitions (including problem-solving, decision-making and other processes that require clear thinking) are not as accessible. As emotional overwhelm increases, the ability to make appropriate choices can decrease.
If you ever find yourself in this situation, here is a skill that you can practice. It is Compassionate Awareness. The very awareness that it is a time to ‘insert skill here,’ and to maintain a compassionate inner dialogue of lovingkindness is skillful in and of itself.
You may Observe that you are feeling overwhelmed and Describe it to yourself in a Compassionate way: “I am feeling anxious right now and I don’t know what to do. I’ll just breathe and give myself a moment since I’m not sure what skill to use.”
Notice how that actually involves a few skills you may not have been intentional about practicing, but they help you move skillfully through the moment anyway. The above example involved Core Mindfulness Skills: Observe, Describe and Participate. When practicing Compassionate Awareness, you will have observed how you feel, given voice to it, and continued to participate in taking care of yourself.
APPLY THE SKILL:
Imagine facing a lightly challenging situation and becoming compassionately aware of how you feel as you explore options for healthy coping. In what ways can you improve your inner dialogue to be more Compassionate to yourself when you feel overwhelmed?
Reference: Linehan, M.M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Inner Renovations Toolbox 