VALIDATION STRATEGIES
1. FOCUS on the inherent worth of the person, whether it is yourself or someone else.
2. OBSERVE – Listen carefully to what is said with words, expression, and body. INTENTLY LISTEN, being one-mindful in the moment.
3. To SELF-VALIDATE, honor your experience by SITTING QUIETLY WITH IT and giving yourself permission to observe, feel, and give yourself compassionate understanding for a few moments.
4. To VALIDATE OTHERS, let them know you are present with them by using good eye contact, affirm them by nodding to what they are saying, be one-mindful as you focus in on them.
5. DESCRIBE the facts of the situation in a NON-JUDGMENTAL way.
6. STATE THE UNSTATED. Notice the presence of feelings and beliefs that seem to not be voiced. For example, “You seem to feel angry and hurt by that person, even though you haven’t exactly said that.”
7. IDENTIFY PRIMARY EMOTIONS. Notice layers of emotions that may be hiding behind others, and give voice to them by identifying:
– anger
– sorrow
– joy
– disgust
– interest
– surprise
– guilt/shame
– fear
5. FIND WHAT IS TRUE/VALID about the experience and focus on that. You may not agree or approve with the entirety of the experience, so it can help to find a piece of it that makes sense and validate that.
Note:
If validating yourself, there may be times that you realize the thoughts you are having are unproductive or maybe that you’ve genuinely reacted irrationally. You can still SELF-VALIDATE by acknowledging that your thoughts/emotions/reactions were so strong because they felt so real to you at the time. You can make a different choice moving forward, but in that moment you were responding based on how you felt. That is still effective SELF-VALIDATION (even if you don’t agree or approve of the thoughts/feelings/behaviors).
If VALIDATING OTHERS, even if you disagree with their behaviors you can still find something you can EMPATHIZE WITH. For example, “I can see that you were lashing out because you were angry.” There is no approval or disapproval in that statement, just validating their experience by seeing it from their perspective.
In what situations will you begin applying these Validation Strategies? If you already practice some of these strategies, what improvements have you noticed in your relationship with yourself and others?
Reference: Linehan, M.M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Inner Renovations Toolbox 