All posts by Inner Renovations Counseling, PLLC

Blog, Resources, & Toolbox of Skills for Your Personal Inner Renovations Project | Chanel C. Bowen, LCMHC, LCAS, CCS | For main site visit www.InnerRenovations.com

careful.

yesterday I wouldn’t have thought twice

about what you thought of me.

but it seems I’ve grown a concern of some sort.

one that inspires reflection on my words

and examination of my thoughts.

concern about how our interactions affect you.

you see, I do care.

regardless of what I say, or what it seems.

I do care.

dismount.

the saddle became uncomfortable.

ride was long, not to mention lonely.

and the beast itself constantly needed to be fed.

I never arrived where I was going

and it was hard to smell the flowers with my nose up in the air.

so I swung my leg over and prepared for the mile long dismount.

back to earth, touching down.

and bid goodbye to my high horse.

image

A Good Time for New Perspective of You

Gain New Perspective

I wonder if someday I will find out that everything I think I am, the truth is, I am just the opposite.  It is interesting to consider the physiology of the body  where the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and vice versa; and how everything that we see with our two retina is upside down but when our brain processes it they are combined into one image flipped right side up.  We normally have general concepts of who we are, but if we get to know ourselves scientifically, we realize that everything we think we see and know and believe in this physical realm is literally upside, backwards, and/or an illusion.

Even that which we like to believe is supported by our science, such as our concepts of what is solid and still, we know is still illusion in some way since what we perceive as “solid” is composed of atoms, mostly empty space and constantly in motion.

So, how are we to think of ourselves and our world?  Who do we think we are anyway?  A better question is What do we think we are, and shouldn’t we make it a priority to find out?

I don’t have any specific answers as to how to kick start that sort of journey, because I realize how different things are for each individual.  Self-exploration is personal by nature, so we could not all possibly agree on what we are.  We can agree, however, that it’s a good time to stop seeing ourselves and the world in such surface level ways.  And to stop simply believing everything we’ve been told is our reality.  See for yourself.  Look for yourself.  Live for yourself.  Learn for yourself.

In a reality where left is right, up is down, and outside-in is really inside-out – it’s probably a good time to gain new perspective.

~ CCB

Sometimes You Have to Start Over to Win

One of the most difficult things to do is Start Over. After years of pouring our heart, love, time, energy and resources into a project, goal or relationship – it seems so defeating to just halt mission and abandon ship. But sometimes, it is necessary to do.

Rather than continue to go down a path that is not giving the results that we want, it may be better to take a moment to think about alternative routes. We know that there are many ways to reach a destination, so we need not be so stubborn to continue with a way that is clearly not working for us.

Sometimes the ego becomes the ruler, and we do not want others to think that we have failed. But changing directions does not indicate failure. It means that you have checked inventory, completed an evaluation, and concluded that there is a better way. Do not be afraid to take the better way once you identify it.

Sure, the changes may require you to utilize your public relations skills when people inevitably ask you, “What happened?” But like any good P.R. representative, you will already have your response prepared based on the information that you choose to release to the public. They do not have to know everything about why you decided to make changes in your plan; but what they should know is that you have taken the steps in order to put yourself in an even better position to achieve your goal.

Time and time again it has been proven that being successful is a state of mind; which is why you can give a mentally poor person a million dollars and they will soon be poor again. But if you take a million dollars away from a mentally rich person, they will find a way to make it back.

It is a powerful thing to have enough confidence in yourself to choose a different path that you know will still lead you to greater things. Regardless of what others think about your decision, you are able to move forward with the indispensable knowledge you gained from experience – Sometimes you have to start over, to win.

~ CCB

Ending the Reign of Fear-Based Living

Things happen so quickly. The mind processes information and responds to stimuli at rates so fast we can’t even keep up with it. There’s no conscious participation in making the heart beat, causing the blood to circulate or sensing things in our environment. It occurs in all its complexity, guided by intelligence beyond our own and without our input; making us living and functioning Beings.

Why then, is it such a scary idea for us to trust that things will be okay? Even if we do not stress or obsess about it, it will be okay. Even if we do not divulge all of our fears and doubts to a listening ear, it will be okay. Why is it so hard to trust that once we’ve done everything we can do to resolve a situation, even if we put it down and walk away from it for a while, it will still be okay…

The problem is, we have Selective Faith. It’s like selective hearing when a person seems to only hear the bits and pieces they want to hear; or selective memory where an individual seems to only remember what’s convenient for them. Someone with Selective Faith is strong-minded and confident when they can see the solution in sight or a feasible plan in line to resolve a problem; but breaks down and moves into fear-based living when they don’t know how things are going to work out and haven’t yet seen any resolution on the horizon. These people often talk about how good and all-powerful God is in one breath, yet complain that they don’t see a way out of their problems in the next. Those who are not believers may still exhibit Selective Faith because even if they feel there is no God, they claim to believe in the power of themselves and their mind in one breath, yet express panic at the sight of oncoming trouble in the next.

Fact is, we’re still here. We’ve been face to face with death before (whether we know it or not), yet we’re still here. We’ve been terrified to the point that we thought the bottom would fall out of life at any moment, yet we’re still here. Many of us come from backgrounds and cultures where there were tremendous attempts in centuries past to extinguish the fires of future generations, yet, we are still here. Not because of our own doing; But because there is an Ever-Presence in our lives, the same that keeps the heart beating without our help, keeps blood flowing without our help. The same that was there for our ancestors and that will be there for the children that carry our DNA a thousand years from now.

Don’t let “Faith” become cliché to you. Don’t let the severe overuse of the word cause you to forget its essence. Always remember the reason that it should permanently, not selectively, be a part of your life experience. It is through the faith of those before us and their connection with Our Creator, that We are still here.

In a thousand years, we will be “The Ancestors.” Regardless of how many bills we have to pay, regardless of the pressure we are subjected to, regardless of the opinion of others; Let’s make sure we do our part by living consistently empowered lives so that our strength continues to be passed to the future as those in our past have done for us.

 ~ CCB

How Do You Let Go of Someone You Want?

Walking Away From Love

There seems to be a misconception that relationships are only supposed to end if interest is lost or the love is gone. It is obvious it’s over in those cases and breaking up is a no-brainer. But what about those times when the love is still there? The desire is still strong, but the person keeps hurting you or overstepping their boundaries? You don’t really want them to go away, you’d prefer they just change for the better… but they won’t. This is a dilemma.

When the pain outweighs the happiness, there is more disappointment than joy, and the negative feelings surface more than the positive; one finds themselves having to ask whether or not the relationship should continue. Your Spirit screams NO this should not continue! Then the little voice of the heart and mind says “But I love him/her… “

How many people have been in relationships that they knew undoubtedly needed to be over a long time ago, but remain in it under the pretense of being “so in love” with someone they know isn’t good for them? ME! I’ve had my share. That’s one hand raised. Any others?

I’m not referring to the standard relationships that have their ups and downs, but to those that have become predominantly draining, negative and maybe even abusive (including physical, mental, verbal or emotional abuse).

We have to stop using our watered-down and skewed perceptions of what love is as the excuse to remain in unhealthy relationships. Once a connection with someone begins to take more from your life than it adds to it, its time to let go. And if you’ve stayed in an unfulfilling situation for too long because you LOVE THE OTHER PERSON so much; try something new and remove yourself from the situation because you’ve decided its time to LOVE YOURSELF even more.

From the outside looking in, it’s easier to spot someone who is in a relationship with someone who is sucking the life out of them. But when it is us that is in the situation, we tend to rationalize our reasons for remaining in a relationship that is not enhancing our lives.

Learn how to recognize energetic/emotional vampires. They don’t always do it on purpose, but these type of people will suck the life right out of you under the guise of being in a relationship and loving you. If loving someone exhausts you, or hurts more than enhances you – its healthier to love yourself enough to let it go.

~ CCB