Self-validation is having the ability to quietly reassure yourself that the emotions, thoughts, and experiences you have are indeed real, make sense, and hold value.
There are moments when we doubt ourselves and question:
- Do I genuinely feel this way?
- Should I be feeling this way?
- Is it right to feel this way?
At times, we tend to look to others and try to gauge their reactions in similar situations or conform to what we believe society expects from us. This stems from the belief that our inner experiences are not trustworthy enough. We end up placing more trust in others than in ourselves, which is self-INvalidation.
When we engage in self-invalidation, we spend too much time time and energy attempting to prove to ourselves and others that our experiences are valid and logical. Unfortunately, this often leads to conflicts or crises.
Learning to validate others is important because it:
- Enhances the quality of our relationships
- Calms intense situations, enabling us to have productive interactions
Equally vital is the practice of self-validation, as it:
- Quiets defensive and fearful emotions, allowing for effective problem-solving
- Releases the pain and exhaustion that constant self-justification and self-doubt demand
The ability to self-validate can greatly improve the quality of your life.
APPLY THIS SKILL:
Reflect on your recent experiences. Have you been leaning more towards self-validation or self-invalidation? What changes do you think you can make to become more self-validating?
Remember, you deserve to embrace and honor your own unique experiences and emotions. You have the power to make a positive change in your life through self-validation.
Reference: Linehan, M.M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Inner Renovations Toolbox 