DBT Skills Training Module: Interpersonal Effectiveness
Guidelines for Keeping a Relationship.
The “G.I.V.E.” skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a valuable interpersonal effectiveness tool used to maintain and strengthen important relationships. This skill encourages individuals to interact in ways that nurture connection and trust, even during challenging conversations.
“G” stands for being Gentle, which means avoiding harshness, criticism, or aggressive behaviors that could harm the relationship.
“I” represents acting Interested—giving the other person full attention, actively listening, and showing genuine curiosity about their thoughts and feelings. This approach helps the other person feel seen and valued, which is essential for healthy communication.
“V” emphasizes Validating the other person’s experience by acknowledging and affirming their emotions, thoughts, or perspective, even if you don’t agree with them. Validation fosters mutual understanding and emotional safety.
“E” stands for maintaining an Easy manner, which involves using warmth, humor, or a relaxed tone to keep the conversation approachable and reduce tension. Together, these elements create a framework for handling delicate interpersonal situations while preserving the integrity of the relationship. Practicing “G.I.V.E.” not only enhances connection but also helps individuals express themselves in a way that balances respect for both their needs and those of the other person.
Remember, “you catch more bees with honey,” but do not use manipulative statements – only gentleness, interest, validation, and an easy manner. The goal is to keep the relationship while also reaching your objectives when using this skill. It is also important to maintain your SELF-RESPECT as seen in the next (“F.A.S.T.”) skill.
Reference: Linehan, M.M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Inner Renovations Toolbox 