Inner Renovations, Positive Mindset for Life

When We Were Super Heroes

InnerRenovations.com

We’ve traveled through various stages of life and have somehow managed to successfully reach adulthood. But many are experiencing some sort of stagnation, a stalemate as if life is no longer full of excitement and the outlook has become all but dismal. If you’ve noticed that you’ve lost momentum, are becoming unsatisfied with your existence or find yourself looking up at the sky and asking, “now what?”… IT’S TIME TO SET NEW GOALS

Somewhere in our adult lives we find that we do not have that same fresh outlook that we did when we were younger. You remember the time when you believed you could do almost anything. From flying, to creating magic – there were no limits to what you thought you had the ability to accomplish. Of course this was pre-disappointment… pre-heartbreak… pre-failure… pre-setback. It’s a little more difficult these days to have the same hopes and dreams when you feel that you may possibly be let down. The fact is, you are impacted by what you have experienced. Welcome to the post-disappointment stage in life, which brings us to our first new goal.


GOAL #1 – REMEMBER YOURSELF BEFORE THE DISAPPOINTMENT

You must find the ability to reconnect with a part of your life where you did not mind giving it all you had; because it was prior to the time that you started believing you could fail. This is the state of mind from which you will accomplish your greatest goals. You may notice that there are several things you think about doing, but you stop yourself. Why? Because it may not work, you say. What is the use in putting forth the time, energy and effort in something that may not even give you the results you want? Valid question. But what is even more valid is that no one has ever accomplished anything without first recognizing the possibility of failure. They work hard to overcome those odds in order to attain what they desire. As an adult, its okay to acknowledge the possibilities but in order to overcome any paralyzing fear that keeps you from stepping outside of your comfort zone; you will find it helpful to embrace that youthful part of yourself and your mind that imagines you still have the power to accomplish what your heart desires.

GOAL #2 – STOP MAKING EXCUSES & RE-DECLARE YOUR PURPOSE

I’m too old. I’m too fat. I can’t, the kids need me too much. I don’t have enough money. I work long hours. I don’t know anyone that can help me. I didn’t get a degree in that. Pick your favorite. Then throw it out the window because the excuses as to why you’ve not continued to make your life a better place to be, are of no use to you. You are more than likely an individual who has accomplished quite a bit in your life. And now you are ready to move on to experiencing something that will bring a gust of fresh air into your existence. Its time to re-declare what you feel you are here to do and what you want. Its time to re-discover and re-declare what gifts you have to share with others. Its time to do your research to find new and innovative ways that you are able to utilize your natural talents and abilities.

GOAL #3 – FREE YOURSELF FROM THE SUBCONSCIOUS STOPWATCH

Do you feel like there is a little man chasing you with a stopwatch, constantly reminding you that you are running out of time? In the early part of lives, it seemed like we had forever to do what we needed to do. Now there is a different sense that many experience, of not being able to accomplish what is needed before they reach a certain age. What is interesting is that the fixation on time and the idea of running out of it, actually works against us and we end up doing significantly less. Try to remember a point in your life when you were not so restricted by timelines. You went to elementary school everyday – not so much doing the work because you were worried about graduating – but because you knew it was something you needed to do. And besides, there were many great experiences to be had and people you liked were there. Its important to take the same approach as you move through the various projects, professional obligations and personal goals at this point in life too.

GOAL #4 – GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK, ALREADY

Stop being so hard on yourself. The people will already be critical enough of you, they don’t need your help. Somebody has to be in your corner, believing in you, cheering you on… it may as well be YOU! We spend so much time thinking about the should have, could have, would have that we often forget that we still should, can and probably will – just as soon as we uninvite ourselves from our personal pity party. It takes just as much energy to tell yourself that you need to lose weight as it does to tell yourself that you are looking and feeling good at this age. Choose the latter, you’ll love yourself for it more… literally.

GOAL #5 – AFFIRM THAT YOU ARE A ROCK STAR

Even if you really don’t want to put in the work to become a bonafide rock star, simply affirm to yourself that you ARE one anyway. Think about when you were a child. Do you remember what it used to feel like when you imagined that you had manifested all of your glory? Do you remember what you always thought you would grow up to be? Someone wonderful, loved and powerful. It’s not too late, but first you will have to change your perception of who you are now.

There is nothing wrong with adopting the mentality that you are great. There is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself and having a self-assured disposition. When you stand in front of a group of people and have to give presentations or even in general conversations where all eyes are on you… don’t shrink and become insecure. On the contrary, make it your show! Love yourself and project that love and others will love you too. Exuding confidence is contagious and those you interact with will believe in your words and vision the same way you do.


Dig deep and find that “S” emblem that you used to wear on your chest. Supermen and Superwomen must rediscover themselves through the eyes of their childhood. Only from this place will there be a rejuvenation of the pure hope and uncut faith that is needed to reach the new goals that you will begin setting for yourself. Move forward with the idea that what you want is already a part of your destiny; and all you must do is travel the path to reach your already blessed future.

~ CCB

Inner Renovations, Positive Mindset for Life

Speaking With a Spoon Full of Sugar

spoonful-of-sugar

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.  We’ve heard this all our lives, yet we still attempt to get what we want by making demands, using guilt trips, and expressing ourselves in a manipulative manner as if that is going to consistently get us what we want in life.  Maybe it works sometimes – those times when people would rather give you what you want in order to shut you up.  But it’s not an effective means of communicating or getting your needs met.

Being able to communicate our needs clearly and concisely is a skill.  Doing it in a way that inspires others to actually feel good about fulfilling those needs is an advanced skill indeed.  But it is based on a very simple premise of “you catch more bees with honey.”  You shouldn’t be afraid to sweeten it up a little bit if you expect people to want to join with you to help you reach your goals.  Not in a conniving way, but in a way that your genuineness in your appeal for their help shines through.

A wise woman named Mary Poppins once said, “just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.”  This is relevant when trying to get others to help or understand you, but also when it comes to delivering the truth.  Even when needing to deliver hard-to-swallow truth to someone, it can be done from a place of love.  Some people are brash and tell others about themselves in insensitive ways, finishing with statements like “well I was just telling the truth!”  Most of the time the problem isn’t what they said, but the way it was said.

Life is full of moments when we will either have to administer or swallow some tough medicine ourselves.  We have more of a choice in how we experience this than we may know.  When dishing out the truth, we can do it with love which is a natural sweetener.  And when having to swallow the truth, we can focus on how that information helps us to improve ourselves, which makes things sweeter for us and those we care about in the end.

Interpersonal effectiveness is something that can be developed and improved over time, and there’s plenty of literature aimed at helping you accomplish it.  But after you sift through all the material, you’ll realize that it pretty much boils down to a fundamental principle that we learned early in life – it’s not about the WHAT, it’s about the WAY.

~ CCB

Dialectical Thinking, Inner Renovations, Videos and Media

How To Not: Make Emotional Decisions

 


Decision-making seems like such a basic skill. However, we sometimes do not think things all the way through. The results can be catastrophic or at least cause a setback if we make decisions while we are emotional.  Our brains actually function differently when it is overwhelmed with negative emotions such as fear, frustration, anger, anxiety, etc.  At that time it does not operate at full capacity.  So it is important not to make major decisions that can alter the course of our lives when we are experiencing those feelings.

But how do we avoid taking certain actions when we’re emotional?  We know that is usually the time that we want to strike back, express ourselves, tell it like it is, or make some over-the-top outward display of action until others feel the intensity of what we are dealing with inside.  Then, after we come back to our senses, it’s common to have some regrets about what we did or said while we were heated.

Try these steps to keep your balance while dealing with emotional situations, so that you can make important decisions with a clear head and decrease the number of apologies you have to dish out.

  1. Pause to Self-Check and Tune Into How You Are Feeling. As soon as you notice that your heart is beating faster, your frustration levels are going up, you’re becoming increasingly agitated and uncomfortable with the situation – start self-checking.  Notice these things happening within your mind and body and decide to take healthy actions that take care of yourself.
  2. Use Deep Breathing to Draw Your Attention Back In. To slow yourself down, slow down your breathing. It’s likely that your mind was going a million miles a minute in its emotional state and taking long deep breaths puts you back in control while sending a message to your rapidly beating heart and overworking mind that it is time to start coming back to a calmer pace.  It may take a moment or two but just keep breathing deeply imagining every breath brings your awareness back to what’s important – taking care of yourself.
  3. Encourage Yourself with Soothing Self-Talk. Start coaching yourself the way you would someone else that you care about.  Let yourself know that everything is going to be okay and that this too shall pass.  Be supportive of yourself in that moment and remember that at the end of the day what’s important is that you approve of yourself and behaviors.  It is okay to disagree with others just like it is okay if they don’t agree with you.  Let go of as much as you can and encourage yourself with positive inner dialogue.
  4. Refocus and Remember What You’re All About. Remind yourself of your goals.  Do an inventory of whether the situation causing you stress is getting you closer to or further away from those goals. If you determine that it is a barrier to what you’re all about or what you’re trying to accomplish, be prepared to make sound decisions about overcoming or removing those stressors from your life.
  5. Take Time to Make the Decisions that are Right For You. If possible, allow yourself time to process your emotions and let things settle down a bit before you come to final conclusions about what you’ve experienced.  Things look different after we’ve stepped away from it for a while and you may be in a better position to make decisions that are best for you from a clear head.

If we allow our emotions to rule our behaviors, we spend a lot of time cleaning up messes we wish we’d never made.  Grounding yourself after an emotional run-in is important and can help you to make decisions that you can be confident in.  Self-awareness is key, and a willingness to use techniques to regain your balance can help you improve your decision-making skills and ultimately improve the quality of your life.

~ CCB

 

Inner Renovations, Positive Mindset for Life

Do Yourself a Favor. Worry Less.

 

Full Serenity Prayer


We tend to think about the things we want to do. This makes sense, especially when you’re a goal-oriented visualization enthusiast who understands the importance of seeing it before you get there. However, we also have to consider the things we need to do less of. What is it for you?

  • Eat less?
  • Sleep less?
  • Argue less?
  • Work less?
  • Worry less!

We’d all be better off if we worried less. As a counselor working with many people struggling with addictions, the Serenity Prayer is weaved into the fabric of my daily life. And because every person has their own vice (some are just more intense than others), the prayer in its entirety is applicable to us all.

Many are familiar with the foundation of the prayer:

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

In our quest to worry less, there is much that can be learned from these simple yet meaningful lines. Look at the situations in your life now. How many of them are beyond your control to change? If you could accept those things as areas that are outside of your jurisdiction to resolve, and surrender it to that which is greater than you, there would be a lot less to worry about. This assumes that you are connected to your spirit in a way that you at least acknowledge that you were created by something/Someone that loves and wants the best for you.

On the flipside of accepting the things we can’t change is finding the courage to change the things we can. Sometimes we don’t even notice when we are carrying stress from the things we feel we are leaving undone. We may have noticed area of ourselves and our lives that deserve more attention, situations that need to be made right, causes that deserve our energy – yet we are taking little to no actions in these areas. It doesn’t sit with us well. We allow our anxieties and insecurities keep us from taking actions that could change our own and others’ lives for the better. If we were able to find the courage to finally change those things that are within our power to do, there would be a lot less to worry about. We would feel like we are being true to ourselves, being useful, and making a difference in the world. This is fulfilling and brings us to a place of satisfaction and self-love, ultimately decreasing the time that we spend in stress and worry.

Finally, there may be confusion about the difference between those circumstances that we need to accept and the ones we need to be working on. This is no easy feat. When something has become more challenging than we feel we’re capable of handling, do we let it go or give it our all? Do we let nature take its course or do we acknowledge ourselves as a force of nature and continue to give our best efforts? The only way to solve such mystery is through discernment and wisdom. From where does this wisdom come? God. Once again we come to the importance of having a connection with something greater than ourselves so that we can afford ourselves the opportunity to lay down some of the stress that we’ve been carrying on our shoulders and our backs, causing us to feel worn, exhausted, and aged. We have options. It is not necessary for us to continue traveling through life carrying the burden of our own and others’ worlds, when we can worry less by practicing acceptance, discernment, and staying connected to our source to grow in wisdom.

~ CCB

Inner Renovations

On My Mind Now: A Formula for Personal Peace

workout
photo credit:  gethealthyu.com

Right now I am thinking about peace. But not the world peace type. More of the being able to remain peaceful even while doing things I don’t really want to do type. See, I just finished working out. I didn’t like it. Some people get all pumped up about hitting the gym and are genuinely excited about sticking to their amazing workout regime (like the woman in the photo) – but not me. I do it because I love myself, I love my body, I’m over thirty and I like cookies a lot.

The good news is, that I am able to center myself and get to an internal space where I can experience a sense of calm even while doing things I’m really not enjoying at the moment – like working out, or interacting with people I’d rather not, or cleaning up, and any other less than fabulous task that is required of me.

When I remind myself that God has a plan for me that I don’t yet know about, and that I want to be ready to step into my destiny when the time arrives, that motivates me to calmly press through challenges knowing that something greater is on the other side of it. That’s a formula for personal peace.

I no longer expect my circumstances to always be favorable. I do expect that my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors will stay in alignment with my purpose so that I can travel with the peace that comes from knowing I’m still headed in the right direction.

~ CCB

Healing the Human Family, Inner Renovations

Helping Others Helps Ourselves

This article wworking togetheras originally called, “Why You Should Help If Your Neighbor’s House Is On Fire,” which more accurately reflects the premise that we have to be more supportive to each other while cooperatively reaching for our goals, but that was way too long a title.

If I were to believe that I am only as good as my neighbor, would that cause me to behave differently towards them? Would I take more time to get to know them, and be more helpful? The answer is Yes. Knowing that my personal success depends on whether or not the people around me also have opportunities to be their best selves, may in some way inspire me to make it a personal responsibility to contribute to the success of others.

In a way, it may seem to be coming from a selfish place. “If I want to get ahead in life, I have to help others get ahead.” In another way, there are great benefits to this sort of communal thinking which would simply be a better way of life. The reality that we must all get ahead together would replace the idea that we must get ahead of each other.

Imagine there is a fire in the home right next to yours. You look out your window and see your neighbors run out and away from their house to safety – except for the bravest of the homeowners who is desperately making every effort to extinguish the fire herself while the blaze gets bigger and bigger. At first, you conclude this scene is way too dangerous so it’s best to just let the fire pros handle the issue – they’re on the way. Then you realize that the blazing fire is spreading rapidly, and quickly making a trail towards your own house. All of a sudden, doing everything you can to help your neighbor and stop these homes from burning becomes your top priority.

We can’t ignore one another’s situations. How others around us are doing is interconnected with our own circumstances. Real success does not only involve the individual, but society as a whole – and brings us closer to healing our entire human family. This is the level that we should be thinking on when we are making plans to get ahead.

If it were recognized that each person could indubitably amass greater wealth by focusing more on working together, rather than focusing so much on competing with one another – we’d be more productive as communities and as a society.

Find out what you can do to help someone reach their goals and in turn you are bringing yourself closer to reaching your own. It will be a great thing when we realize the immeasurable benefits of each person using their individual talents, abilities, and gifts to contribute to progressing as a whole.

~ CCB

Inner Renovations, Positive Mindset for Life

Sometimes You Have to Start Over to Win

One of the most difficult things to do is Start Over. After years of pouring our heart, love, time, energy and resources into a project, goal or relationship – it seems so defeating to just halt mission and abandon ship. But sometimes, it is necessary to do.

Rather than continue to go down a path that is not giving the results that we want, it may be better to take a moment to think about alternative routes. We know that there are many ways to reach a destination, so we need not be so stubborn to continue with a way that is clearly not working for us.

Sometimes the ego becomes the ruler, and we do not want others to think that we have failed. But changing directions does not indicate failure. It means that you have checked inventory, completed an evaluation, and concluded that there is a better way. Do not be afraid to take the better way once you identify it.

Sure, the changes may require you to utilize your public relations skills when people inevitably ask you, “What happened?” But like any good P.R. representative, you will already have your response prepared based on the information that you choose to release to the public. They do not have to know everything about why you decided to make changes in your plan; but what they should know is that you have taken the steps in order to put yourself in an even better position to achieve your goal.

Time and time again it has been proven that being successful is a state of mind; which is why you can give a mentally poor person a million dollars and they will soon be poor again. But if you take a million dollars away from a mentally rich person, they will find a way to make it back.

It is a powerful thing to have enough confidence in yourself to choose a different path that you know will still lead you to greater things. Regardless of what others think about your decision, you are able to move forward with the indispensable knowledge you gained from experience – Sometimes you have to start over, to win.

~ CCB